Reason 5,367,475 I hate my job. Also referred to as, "Why people call lawyers a**holes."

Our receptionist is out today doing stuff for school. So I got stuck up at the front desk again. I've finally resorted to reading up here because I can't stand to read one more article about Clay Aiken impregnating a 50 year old woman. (WTF?)
Anyway, one of the first calls I got this morning was from a guy looking for an attorney and he made it abundantly clear that it was an emergency by the tone in his voice. Oh yeah, he also made it clear by saying it was an emergency 4 times before I could get any response out. I called the attorney; no answer. His secretary is gone, so I tell him, "I'm sorry, I can't reach him and his secretary is gone, would you like his voicemail?"
"NO! I NEED to speak to him. Is he in the office today?"
"I don't have any notes about him being gone, but let me have someone look for him."
I call back to my supervisor and have her run upstairs to look for this guy. She tells me that he's not in today. I tell homeboy, he's not in and try to ask him if there's someone else who might be able to help him. I get interrupted and told, "Look! This is very important and I want you to listen very carefully to me." At this point, I'm ready to just hang up the phone and quit, but for whatever I continued to endure being spoken to like a retarded 4 year old with a hearing problem.
"Are you listening to me? This is what I need you to do. I'm a client! You received a fax from WIPO..."
I know what WIPO stands for, but he proceeds to spell it out and then slowly pronounce each syllable of the full name. Still fighting the urge to scream the first expletive that entered my mind coupled with a random noun-adjective pairing like "monkey-licking" I continued to listen. "I NEED that fax sent to so and so, spelled ..... and ME the CLIENT spelled...."
Now I'm plotting the ways to butcher the names and make it look like someone else sent the faxes.
"So I need a partner or someone who can make that happen. Do you understand me?"
My first instinct is to say, "I'm sorry, I don't speak English." with no accent at all. However, I give in and say, "Yes, let me see if I do that for you."
Long story long, I find the fax and say, "I have the fax in my hand, what are the fax numbers I need to send this to?" Apparently he's shocked that I was intelligent enough to accomplish such a monumental task, like reading the name on a fax...
"You found it? You have it? It's from WIPO? W-I-P-O? World.... In-tell-ec-tual... Prop-er-ty... Or-gan-i-za-tion?"
"Yes, what numbers do I need to send it to?" I answered with as much sarcasm as I could muster feeling proud of showing this pompous windbag that you don't need a law degree to have a functioning brain. So Mr. Dumbass tells the person behind him, "Hey! Leo! The young lady on the phone here has it. What's your fax number?"
Never in my life have I been so humiliated and angry at the same time. How did I not even have the gonads to correct him by telling him I'm a man? No idea. I figured it wasn't worth my time. I hear that patience is essential to being a cop. I'm guessing this will only serve to help me when I'm being yelled at and called, "a pig who uses excessive force on poor helpless people cause I got picked on in school and need to bully someone to make up for a lack of sack." Then I get to help when they call 911 cause that same helpless person has broken into their house and held a gun to their head, but now they're angry cause, "the 5-0 ain't never around when you need 'em."

God I can't wait for it... seriously, I'm counting the days. If I quit when I'm thinking I will, it's exactly 75 days away. The question is do I have the patience to make another 75 days... only time will tell.


Peace out

Back to school, back to school...

Hooray! There were three things left for me to give to the police academy in order to be completely ready. I took my birthday off work and got all of them taken care of in just a couple hours. I'm so excited that I've finally gotten this stuff done. Since I was at the college I talked with Financial Aid about increasing the amount of loans I'm getting. My award letter originally said that I would get roughly $4600 for the fall and $4600 for the spring. The academy ends in December i.e. before the spring semester and I don't plan on failing, so that money for spring is kinda useless. I explained my situation and despite some initial miscommunication, I'll end up getting all of the money for fall! WOOHOO!!! So instead of having to eat Ramen and live in a cardboard castle behind Safeway while I go to school, we can actually afford most of our current lifestyle. I'll just have to stop drinking that $70 dollar bottled water and eating caviar for every meal...
What three things you ask? Well, I had to get a copy of my driving record, a background check from CBI, and a physical exam. All good news from those. I got a ticket last year, but before that it had been 5 years. CBI shows nothing under my name meaning I've never been in trouble and never been arrested. Physical? Of course a female doctor performed it leading to much embarrassment on my part. Alas, I no longer have to worry about there being any unknown health problems including breast or testicle cancer. TMI? Good.

Alright, I'm gonna continue my slow decay sitting up at the front desk watching the phone not ring. I surfed to the end of the inter-web yesterday, so now I'll work my way back...

Peace out

I hate concussions...

They hurt, they make you feel nauseous and they make you feel stoopid. That's all the energy I can muster today.


Peace out suckers...

Waiting on my world to change...

When you know that you're gonna go vacation in Hawaii, it's really really hard to stay optimistic when you're in Fargo, North Dakota freezing your assets off. I use this offbeat analogy to describe the way I feel about working when I know I'm going to the academy. I'm freezing in Office Space hell and awaiting me is the excitement of thousands of push ups, sit ups, pull ups and other ups, hundreds of tests and thousands upon thousands of reports and paperwork!! How will I ever get there? I don't know, but my paradise awaits me...


(I take no responsibility for anything said in this blog as I sustained a head injury last night in my softball game. Don't worry, I got to 1st base OK and because my head threw the ball off course, a runner scored. No softballs were injured in the making of this.)

What now you ask?

Here's the answer:

I'm attending an academy that Arapahoe Community College puts on at it's campus. So it's just like going to school, I'm taking out loans to pay for it and applying for grants. The departments who would have paid for me to go through the academy (and paid me while I was attending) required 60 semester hours and I only have half of that right now. After a lot of research it just made more sense to go through a school because I can choose what department I want to work for in the end. Along with the stuff I mentioned in the last post, I have to go back and talk to Financial Aid and see if I can take out more loans since I won't be able to work while going to school. The director of the academy showed me the schedule for last year and it was 6 days a week with classes at night too. Sometimes they schedule things on the day off like when they cancel classes and need to reschedule or there is just a lot of curriculum to go over. It's gonna be an intense 16 1/2 weeks, but I'm so stoked and I can't wait for the challenge. I actually get a little teary eyed when I think about graduating. Of course, I cried at the movie, "Stuart Little", so that's not saying much, but know that I'm VERY EXCITE!!!!

Drumroll please......

You're looking at the newest member of the Arapahoe Community College's Police Academy!!! I guess you're reading, not looking, but you get the point.

I have to get a physical, fingerprinted, and submit a copy of my driving record, but once that stuff clears, I'm in!!!!!

How did I get cream cheese on my forehead?

The attorneys at our work are nice enough to buy us bagels every Friday; they're even nice enough to buy us cream cheese! Well, I'm not exactly sure what happened, but I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror as I left and there was a streak of strawberry cream cheese on my forehead near the hairline. Obviously I was veeeeery hungry...