I'm running out of material...

I'm sorry I can't update this everyday, but I'm afraid I'm not nearly as interesting as I make myself out to be. I'm pretty boring and all of my posts pretty much sum me up. Yup. Wow, that's a disappointing realization.

Back on a more positive note, my company's Christmas Party is almost here!! WOOHOO!! That means I get to go and eat reeeeeally nice food, have a few adult beverages (I do mean a few, I never want to be drunk. There's no way I'm gonna end up in a tub full of ice missing a kidney...), and hang out with good friends on someone else's dime. Plus, it's in San Francisco which is actually pretty nice and lots of fun.

We're going to be moving in with Jamie's sister and her husband on account of the fact that we can't pay our mortgage. Thanks a lot John Toole!! That's the ass-clown who put us in an ARM loan and didn't tell us that it would go up $500 in 2 years. I really hope that he meets an untimely and humiliating demise. Like, getting stuck in a dog door for 9 days. Or choking on a ball point pen. I mean, 11 people die a year from that alone. Can he be one of them?
(Side note: here's an interesting question my wife asked me last night. If you're more likely to die in an ATV accident, falling down your stairs, or of extreme cold than you are likely to die in a place crash; then why do so many musicians die in plane crashes? Aaliyah, Big Bopper, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Buddy Holly, Otis Redding, Randy Rhoads and Stevie Ray Vaughan to name a few...)

Anyway, we'll probably be moving in with them soon and be there anywhere from 6 months to a year. Hopefully I can attend the academy in the fall. Since I won't be able to work during the academy, I need to save as much money as possible. We like Janna and Joel, so hopefully it will be a good time living with them.

I dream about being a cop. It's almost all I think about anymore. Enough said.

I also want to get a motorcycle so that I can save on gas when I drive to school since it's in Aurora, which is a ways out there. Wife says, "Do you know how much insurance is?" End of story.

My kids are awesome, my wife is actually very supportive during all of this. I guess I have everything I need.

End of post.

P.S. I'll try to update more often.

NOW, end of post.

The Unknown Blogger is finally revealed...

I know that all 4 of my regular readers already know what I look like, but these are the first pictures of me on this blog. Drum roll please......

My parents paid for a professional photography session for our family for Christmas. Here's the results. Let me know what you think.

P.S. Make sure you know that I'm still trying to lose another 10 to 15 pounds when you look at me, AKA The Blob in these pictures...

Some people's kids

The more people I meet, the more I'm for forced sterilization. Don't get me wrong, I'm a strong conservative with some libertarian leanings, but certain people shouldn't be allowed to breed; or we need to hire a permanent lifeguard for the gene pool...

The other day I was trying to order a new beverage cooler for our office. The one we stock all our pop in wasn't working so I was trying to find a new one to order. I can't find one at a certain retailer, so I go into their online help IM chat thingy. The lady very politely asks what she can help me with. Thinking my request wasn't too extraordinary, I asked, "Do you guys carry beverage coolers?" The reply was so stunning, I don't think I typed a word for at least 3 minutes: "What do you mean by beverage cooler?"

WHAT THE CRAP DO YOU THINK I MEAN?!?! It's a flippin' compound phrase!! Really, what could I have possibly meant when I put two words like that together? "Oh, did I say beverage cooler? I meant that I needed 10 boxes of Kleenex." What part of putting together "beverage" and "cooler" was so freaking difficult that you had to ask me what I meant? After my rage subsided, I wrote, "A cooler that keeps beverages cold. You know, like a fridge for drinks?" The fact that I'm typing my reply again is making my blood pressure rise...

Then yesterday my boss wanted "us" to move some tables. I'm smart enough to know that "us" is manager-talk for "you". So I had resided to the fact that I was going to be moving tables. However, I didn't think that she would actually follow me and do nothing more than hold the door open. I'm not launching a rocket here, I'm moving furniture. I've seen monkeys do it, I think I can handle it. But then came the kicker. I thought she was going to be helpful by carrying a white board upstairs as I wrestled 100 lbs of tables on a dolly. Hey, it was more helpful than she had been up until this point. I think to myself, "Maybe it's a good thing she's here." Boy did I speak too soon. We came back downstairs to get another load of tables, and she watched me get them onto the dolly and as I got to the elevator I noticed that the only thing she brought was the eraser, markers, and 1 sheet of loose paper. I almost screamed, literally. You wasted an entire trip to bring up 3 markers, a drawing and a piece of foam?!?!

Ok, my blood pressure is so high, I think it's turning into a solid. I need to go calm down. Maybe I'll go talk to a bum...