Some people's kids

The more people I meet, the more I'm for forced sterilization. Don't get me wrong, I'm a strong conservative with some libertarian leanings, but certain people shouldn't be allowed to breed; or we need to hire a permanent lifeguard for the gene pool...

The other day I was trying to order a new beverage cooler for our office. The one we stock all our pop in wasn't working so I was trying to find a new one to order. I can't find one at a certain retailer, so I go into their online help IM chat thingy. The lady very politely asks what she can help me with. Thinking my request wasn't too extraordinary, I asked, "Do you guys carry beverage coolers?" The reply was so stunning, I don't think I typed a word for at least 3 minutes: "What do you mean by beverage cooler?"

WHAT THE CRAP DO YOU THINK I MEAN?!?! It's a flippin' compound phrase!! Really, what could I have possibly meant when I put two words like that together? "Oh, did I say beverage cooler? I meant that I needed 10 boxes of Kleenex." What part of putting together "beverage" and "cooler" was so freaking difficult that you had to ask me what I meant? After my rage subsided, I wrote, "A cooler that keeps beverages cold. You know, like a fridge for drinks?" The fact that I'm typing my reply again is making my blood pressure rise...

Then yesterday my boss wanted "us" to move some tables. I'm smart enough to know that "us" is manager-talk for "you". So I had resided to the fact that I was going to be moving tables. However, I didn't think that she would actually follow me and do nothing more than hold the door open. I'm not launching a rocket here, I'm moving furniture. I've seen monkeys do it, I think I can handle it. But then came the kicker. I thought she was going to be helpful by carrying a white board upstairs as I wrestled 100 lbs of tables on a dolly. Hey, it was more helpful than she had been up until this point. I think to myself, "Maybe it's a good thing she's here." Boy did I speak too soon. We came back downstairs to get another load of tables, and she watched me get them onto the dolly and as I got to the elevator I noticed that the only thing she brought was the eraser, markers, and 1 sheet of loose paper. I almost screamed, literally. You wasted an entire trip to bring up 3 markers, a drawing and a piece of foam?!?!

Ok, my blood pressure is so high, I think it's turning into a solid. I need to go calm down. Maybe I'll go talk to a bum...