Thoughts about minimum wage workers

Is it just me or does it seem like minimum wage equals minimum brain function? Don't get me wrong, I had a minimum wage job. But I like to think that I didn't answer questions with such dumb retorts as the one I'm about to explain.

First of all, the wife, kiddles and I went to Colorado Mills to finish our Christmas shopping on Saturday along with 10,000 of our closest friends. Being a human being and needing food to sustain life, I decided that it was time for little snack-a-roo. The Mills has this place called The Great Steak and Potato Company, just trust me; they have earned every word of their title. In fact, it should be the "Fan-freaking-tastic-super-awesome-unbelievable-outrageously-amazing Steak and Potato Company. They told me they'd think about changing their name to that. Anyway, for some ungodly reason my wife didn't want a delicious steak sandwich with a side of enormous fries and cheese dipping sauce and asked for Burger King instead. Mistake number one: choosing Burger Fairy over Steak...

As the wife did some shopping, I help my son who was fascinated by all the noises and lights and constantly screaming, "DA!! DOH!!!". I have no clue what that means, but he was excited. I stood in the same place in line for almost 5 minutes. I was ready to jump ship and flaunt my wife's decision, however I decided that I like sleeping in my bed and that I should get her what she wants even though during that 5 minutes absolutely nothing looked good to me. I know, I'm a great husband...

After waiting in line for almost 10 minutes, I finally got the opportunity to order. I repeated my order twice and was charged correctly. Learned that by trying to order from someone who spoke no english. Always repeat what you ordered, always. So as I tried to fill my drink, I found that ice was not present. Like an idiot I stood there in desperate hope that maybe pressing the button several times would make ice magically appear to my dismay. I gave up my quest for coldness and waited ever so patiently for my order. I got my food and sat down with my family to enjoy our cheap, lukewarm meal. (I'm not bitter at all) As I bit into my burger I realized that it had no bacon or cheese despite the fact that the name of the burger has the words, "Bacon" and "Cheese" in it. I went back and waited for someone to pay attention long enough to bring my complaint. "This is supposed to be an Angus Bacon and Cheese and this is a regular Angus." The response I got?

"So do you want Bacon and Cheese on it?"

What's a good answer to such an inane question?
A: "No, I just wanted to point out that you got my order wrong and I'm happy about that."
B: "Actually, I just wanted Ketchup and Mayo instead. I really didn't want the Bacon and Cheese, just the condiments on the Angus Bacon and Cheese."
C: "I was thinking and what I really want is for you to drop, give me twenty pushups, and think through what you just asked me while you're kissing the ground. Let's go, count 'em out. One, up. Two, up. Get that butt down. Three, up..."
D: "Are you serious?"
E: Act like a pathetic wimp and say, "Yes, please".

As you probably guessed, I chose "E". Hopefully in cyberspace the moron who asked me if I really wanted Bacon and Cheese on my Angus Bacon and Cheese will read this and pass it on to all of his lackies...

THE CHRISTMAS PARTY!!!

Wow, was that fun. Two songs describe the party, "I ain't never had too much fun" and "The more I drink, the more I drink".

Further details not needed.

8 Minutes

While I ate new delicious Quizno's Lil' Sammie, I noticed that the parking meter in front of me had 8 minutes still on it and there was no one parked in front of it. At first I was perplexed, why would you waste that 10 cents? You really couldn't stay parked for another 8 minutes? Where's the fire?

Then I thought to myself, why don't I do some people-watching, my all-time favorite past time. So here's what I saw in 8 minutes:

First of all I had a weird flashback to the Quizno's sponge monkeys (pictured). I'm so happy that these little demon spawn no longer pollute the airwaves with their songs and weird bouncing antics. K, so back to what I witnessed watching humanity race by for 480 seconds...

A guy with a Santa Claus beard who parked in "the spot" for all of 30 seconds and then decided to leave.

1 Jeep with lots of accessories for mud-holin' and 4 wheeling, but no dirt or mud on it. I like to think that he just likes to clean it when he's done. I mean, it's a Jeep thing. I wouldn't understand, right?

Another person park in "the spot" and pick up 2 people who seemed very happy to see him who also left quickly thereafter. Not sure why they were so happy, I'm still working on a theory that involves some funny combination like a pogo stick and a monkey wearing pantyhose...

One lady who stopped talking with the man she was walking with to eye my Sammies (grrrrrr..... keep walking)

2 identical Land Rovers (same color even) driving side-by-side as the drivers stared at jaw-dropped-amazement at each other. I'm not a businessman, but maybe in some crazy scheme to make a profit they made more than 1 cream colored Land Rover? So I guess that means I also witnessed 1 near accident since they weren't looking where they were going.

1 young businessman trying to impress some prospective clients with his shiny new suit and shoes. He should have tailored the suit though cause the pants were too short and revealed that he was wearing one brown sock...

Yet another car park in "the spot". This time, the man driving parked and his wife pointed as something so he turned back into traffic and nearly hit a woman turning the corner. Make that 2 near accidents. She saluted him with one finger but he was too focused on pleasing his angry wife to notice...

1 lady giving a hobo a ride. How nice. I mean, he shouldn't have to walk to take his "Need Money For Food" change to buy a bottle of Jack Daniel's...

3 different people smoking. I guess with all the bans this will be a rarity soon. I with they would just get it over with and ban everything else that's fun but bad for you. No more red meat, grease, sugar, milk, alcohol (that "Prohibition" thing turned out great...), sex and Chinese finger traps. I hate smoking, don't get me wrong. I hate the smell; I hate that I smell when someone else decides to suck down a cancer stick, but I don't get my panties in a wad. Let em smoke! The only reasons provided for banning it are that it's unhealthy and annoying to people around them. Again, drinking and eating chili aren't healthy and annoying to the people around you. Cowboy up and git yer nose out of other people's lungs...

A guy in a black Lincoln park in "the spot", look around look at his watch, wait 5 seconds and then leave. Again, I'm looking on the bright side and hoping that he was just in a hurry and not a drug dealer. He looked like Sam Eagle from the Muppet's, he couldn't be a drug dealer...

Santa Claus Beard guy and Jeep guy drive by the window again. Hmmmm.....

TIME!!! During that little exercise I also witnessed approximately 58 "normal" people just going about their daily business, one of them carrying a concealed handgun (not doing a good job), 3 tripping on the same crack in the sidewalk, 15 on cell phones and/or iPod (one guy actually pulled one ear phone out and answered his phone. How can you do both at the same time?), and no one seeing what I saw...

Sometimes you just have to stop and watch the freaks. I mean, how else do we stay sane?

Too long for a comment

Maria, you are the furthest thing from alone. I feel EXACTLY the way you do. It's so frustrating to feel like you want to do something so bad but you can't, and you don't know what to do in the interim. I am so frustrated with my job right now and my boss, it makes me want to scream (which is what I usually do when I'm in my car alone). I think about being a cop all day, every day. I'm feel hopeful waking up knowing that I'm one day closer to the academy, but sick at the same time that it's not today. I wish you the best and hope that you find whatever it is that you're looking for. I'm still looking too...