"Sign here kid. Slow down and have a nice day."

FREE AT LAST!! Free at last, thank GOD ALMIGHTY, I'm free at last!!!My last day at my job was yesterday and man is it surreal. I'm really gonna miss all the people I work with, but let me tell you, I won't miss all the drama with my boss(es). It was a good season and I learned a lot of myself and what I need to do in order to better myself. I've learned a lot about how to deal with people, and I've gotten a lot of support for my new career, which I don't get in a lot of places. Of course, I'm not doing it to feel popular. I do it for the free doughnuts. Kidding... I'm doing it because I believe it and I want to make a difference. It's nice to feel like some people understand that. I don't think you could ever really understand the feeling of wanting to lay your life down for someone you don't know, unless you had that feeling and followed it. But at least people are happy for me. That's most important.


School starts in 4 days. Oh man, this is so awesome!

You'd think...

Since I've been so bored up at the front desk, I'd be writing more. Well, truth is we're supposed to be limiting our computer time. *Wah wah* Plus I've been reading a Tom Clancy book, which takes the same amount of time as a full time job. It's like 800 pages, and even though I read like 100 pages one day last week, it's hard to just read like that, even though I love to read and I'm kind of a speed reader... get to the point already.

So, I FINALLY got my letter from the police academy with all the supplies I need and I bought almost everything I need over the weekend. Boots, uniform pants, gym-style shirt (complete with iron on letters), sweat pants (I even got sweat shorts. Where was I when that happened? It's genius!), all kinds of cool police things. Today I'll be turning in my notice to my current job, which I'm nervous about, but I'm more stoked than anything. .

I'm so ready to do something I want to do than stuck doing what I'm doing now. Does it feel great to help people at my work? Yeah. Does it feel great to complete a huge copy project? Not really. Do I enjoy picking up the pieces of other people's mistakes? Kind of actually... which is good, since I'm gonna be doing that a lot. It's not good though, cause when I think about it, it's almost like I'm a glutton for punishment. My nickname here at work for a while was "Monkey" because an attorney here was snooping in someone else's office while they were gone and I happened to be walking by when he knocked over a plate and it shattered everywhere. I walked in and took the verbal abuse ("Why is that in here? He shouldn't be leaving plates around." I'm sorry, you've mistaken me for someone who cares...) and without being asked to, I picked up the mess. I never even thought about it, I just saw it needed to be done, so I did it. Well, all my co workers heard the crash, so they asked what happened and once I explained it, I realized how subservient I soudned. One of the guys goes, "Did you offer to clean HIS office too? Geez, they have you trained man. Now... Jump Monkey, Jump!"
So everyone would joke when I walked in and scrath themselves going, "Ooooo AHHHAHHHH! Jump monkey, jump!"

Thought I'd share a little inside joke with you...


I might be posting very much for a while, like the rest of the year. School is close and once that starts, I'll have time to study, eat, study, breathe, study and maybe sleep. I'll try to give little updates here and there, but don't be disappointed if it's a while. I'll try to get back in the habit once I get hired on somewhere and things settle down a bit. Love y'all!

The New Sheriff In Town,
Cowboy

Booooooooooooooooooored...

So our lovely receptionist quit and since I'm the one with the most knowledge... yup. I'm stuck up here. It was supposed to only be for a few weeks, because they had a candidate who wanted to start in the second week of July. Well, she turned down our offer and now I'm stuck up here until they find someone else. I have to say that the job is pretty easy, but how do you engage yourself in a job like this? I answer phones, schedule meetings, and recently I've become a personal waiter. I stamp invoices and count how many calls I answer. Apparently, though I remain speculative and highly doubtful, there are people who WANT to do this for a living. As in, they want this as a career.

How is answering a phone a career? And why the crap would you WANT to do it for the rest of your working, possibly natural, life? No offense if that's what you want, but I'm appaled that anyone with an IQ higher than that of a damp dishrag would want to do this for a living. I can't engage my mind in these type of menial, banal, trite tasks. I can only answer the phone so many ways. I can only pretend to have so many accents. I can only say, "You have the wrong number cause this is a pizza place, not a law firm." before I find it sickening that I'm stuck screening calls like a personal assistant for 80 people. I joke, I joke... I don't actually do those things, but I do have a hard time finding things to keep me occupied. Since I'm chained up here (might as well be literal rather than metaphorical) there's only so many things I can do. I will say that it a nice break, a healthy change of pace. However, I'm not sure I'll feel the same way in another week of being addressed as "Ma'm" or "Cory". (I've been here 3 years altogether and an attorney still calls me Cory. What did I ever do to him?)

The good news is that if everything goes according to plan, I'll be outta here in 7 weeks. Then I'll be answering calls to pull a cat from under a house, throw an unruly and drunk son in jail, and when people think it's a cop's job to tell their kid that if they don't eat their vegetables they'll get arrested. I'm counting the days...

A somber change of tone (if only temporarily)

I'm writing this as I think, so I apologize that my fingers aren't as fast as my brain...

Some friends of ours (Jamie and I) recently had a child. However, there were lots of complications and the baby, Molly, didn't start crying for 4 minutes. The doctors tested her and tested her for various things like her heart and her brain and found problems with both. She has pulmonary hypertension and irreversible brain damage on both sides equaling 50%. She is blind in both eyes and upon further testing they found an aneurysm in her brain. The doctors say that even if they proceed with dangerous surgeries, she will need as many as 20 to fix the problems they've seen so far. The doctors don't expect her to make it to the weekend. This is our friend's first child. So many questions run through your mind. "Why?" being the most prominent one. Why would a God capable of moving mountains and raising the dead let something like this happen to a child less than a day old? How could a parent make a decision like that to either prolong pain or let nature take from you what you've barely had? It's been a long time since I've been so closely affected by death. I like to think that I don't let things like this affect me, but for some reason this is really shaking me and (if not rattling, at least disturbing) my faith. I know that it's not God's fault. The God I believe in doesn't do things like this for any reason, much less to teach someone a lesson. My question is more, why wouldn't he intervene? I'm not a supreme being, so I'm sure there's more to it than that, but I can still act like I know what's best for the world. I'm so confused and so hurt on a lot of different levels. Like I said, normally things like this don't affect me, but for some reason this really hit home. Probably because I have 2 kids and I don't know what I would do if something happened to them. Forgive me for gushing my feelings, but I need somewhere to put them and I guess a private forum like a blug on the interweb is gonna have to do...

Stay Safe,
Cowboy

Reason 5,367,475 I hate my job. Also referred to as, "Why people call lawyers a**holes."

Our receptionist is out today doing stuff for school. So I got stuck up at the front desk again. I've finally resorted to reading up here because I can't stand to read one more article about Clay Aiken impregnating a 50 year old woman. (WTF?)
Anyway, one of the first calls I got this morning was from a guy looking for an attorney and he made it abundantly clear that it was an emergency by the tone in his voice. Oh yeah, he also made it clear by saying it was an emergency 4 times before I could get any response out. I called the attorney; no answer. His secretary is gone, so I tell him, "I'm sorry, I can't reach him and his secretary is gone, would you like his voicemail?"
"NO! I NEED to speak to him. Is he in the office today?"
"I don't have any notes about him being gone, but let me have someone look for him."
I call back to my supervisor and have her run upstairs to look for this guy. She tells me that he's not in today. I tell homeboy, he's not in and try to ask him if there's someone else who might be able to help him. I get interrupted and told, "Look! This is very important and I want you to listen very carefully to me." At this point, I'm ready to just hang up the phone and quit, but for whatever I continued to endure being spoken to like a retarded 4 year old with a hearing problem.
"Are you listening to me? This is what I need you to do. I'm a client! You received a fax from WIPO..."
I know what WIPO stands for, but he proceeds to spell it out and then slowly pronounce each syllable of the full name. Still fighting the urge to scream the first expletive that entered my mind coupled with a random noun-adjective pairing like "monkey-licking" I continued to listen. "I NEED that fax sent to so and so, spelled ..... and ME the CLIENT spelled...."
Now I'm plotting the ways to butcher the names and make it look like someone else sent the faxes.
"So I need a partner or someone who can make that happen. Do you understand me?"
My first instinct is to say, "I'm sorry, I don't speak English." with no accent at all. However, I give in and say, "Yes, let me see if I do that for you."
Long story long, I find the fax and say, "I have the fax in my hand, what are the fax numbers I need to send this to?" Apparently he's shocked that I was intelligent enough to accomplish such a monumental task, like reading the name on a fax...
"You found it? You have it? It's from WIPO? W-I-P-O? World.... In-tell-ec-tual... Prop-er-ty... Or-gan-i-za-tion?"
"Yes, what numbers do I need to send it to?" I answered with as much sarcasm as I could muster feeling proud of showing this pompous windbag that you don't need a law degree to have a functioning brain. So Mr. Dumbass tells the person behind him, "Hey! Leo! The young lady on the phone here has it. What's your fax number?"
Never in my life have I been so humiliated and angry at the same time. How did I not even have the gonads to correct him by telling him I'm a man? No idea. I figured it wasn't worth my time. I hear that patience is essential to being a cop. I'm guessing this will only serve to help me when I'm being yelled at and called, "a pig who uses excessive force on poor helpless people cause I got picked on in school and need to bully someone to make up for a lack of sack." Then I get to help when they call 911 cause that same helpless person has broken into their house and held a gun to their head, but now they're angry cause, "the 5-0 ain't never around when you need 'em."

God I can't wait for it... seriously, I'm counting the days. If I quit when I'm thinking I will, it's exactly 75 days away. The question is do I have the patience to make another 75 days... only time will tell.


Peace out

Back to school, back to school...

Hooray! There were three things left for me to give to the police academy in order to be completely ready. I took my birthday off work and got all of them taken care of in just a couple hours. I'm so excited that I've finally gotten this stuff done. Since I was at the college I talked with Financial Aid about increasing the amount of loans I'm getting. My award letter originally said that I would get roughly $4600 for the fall and $4600 for the spring. The academy ends in December i.e. before the spring semester and I don't plan on failing, so that money for spring is kinda useless. I explained my situation and despite some initial miscommunication, I'll end up getting all of the money for fall! WOOHOO!!! So instead of having to eat Ramen and live in a cardboard castle behind Safeway while I go to school, we can actually afford most of our current lifestyle. I'll just have to stop drinking that $70 dollar bottled water and eating caviar for every meal...
What three things you ask? Well, I had to get a copy of my driving record, a background check from CBI, and a physical exam. All good news from those. I got a ticket last year, but before that it had been 5 years. CBI shows nothing under my name meaning I've never been in trouble and never been arrested. Physical? Of course a female doctor performed it leading to much embarrassment on my part. Alas, I no longer have to worry about there being any unknown health problems including breast or testicle cancer. TMI? Good.

Alright, I'm gonna continue my slow decay sitting up at the front desk watching the phone not ring. I surfed to the end of the inter-web yesterday, so now I'll work my way back...

Peace out

I hate concussions...

They hurt, they make you feel nauseous and they make you feel stoopid. That's all the energy I can muster today.


Peace out suckers...

Waiting on my world to change...

When you know that you're gonna go vacation in Hawaii, it's really really hard to stay optimistic when you're in Fargo, North Dakota freezing your assets off. I use this offbeat analogy to describe the way I feel about working when I know I'm going to the academy. I'm freezing in Office Space hell and awaiting me is the excitement of thousands of push ups, sit ups, pull ups and other ups, hundreds of tests and thousands upon thousands of reports and paperwork!! How will I ever get there? I don't know, but my paradise awaits me...


(I take no responsibility for anything said in this blog as I sustained a head injury last night in my softball game. Don't worry, I got to 1st base OK and because my head threw the ball off course, a runner scored. No softballs were injured in the making of this.)

What now you ask?

Here's the answer:

I'm attending an academy that Arapahoe Community College puts on at it's campus. So it's just like going to school, I'm taking out loans to pay for it and applying for grants. The departments who would have paid for me to go through the academy (and paid me while I was attending) required 60 semester hours and I only have half of that right now. After a lot of research it just made more sense to go through a school because I can choose what department I want to work for in the end. Along with the stuff I mentioned in the last post, I have to go back and talk to Financial Aid and see if I can take out more loans since I won't be able to work while going to school. The director of the academy showed me the schedule for last year and it was 6 days a week with classes at night too. Sometimes they schedule things on the day off like when they cancel classes and need to reschedule or there is just a lot of curriculum to go over. It's gonna be an intense 16 1/2 weeks, but I'm so stoked and I can't wait for the challenge. I actually get a little teary eyed when I think about graduating. Of course, I cried at the movie, "Stuart Little", so that's not saying much, but know that I'm VERY EXCITE!!!!

Drumroll please......

You're looking at the newest member of the Arapahoe Community College's Police Academy!!! I guess you're reading, not looking, but you get the point.

I have to get a physical, fingerprinted, and submit a copy of my driving record, but once that stuff clears, I'm in!!!!!

How did I get cream cheese on my forehead?

The attorneys at our work are nice enough to buy us bagels every Friday; they're even nice enough to buy us cream cheese! Well, I'm not exactly sure what happened, but I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror as I left and there was a streak of strawberry cream cheese on my forehead near the hairline. Obviously I was veeeeery hungry...

Great success!!!

I have an appointment with the detective in charge of interviewing potential academy students Monday the 21st at 1:00. VERY EXCITE!!! Send good thoughts, pray, burn incense, WHATEVER IT TAKES!!! Do it.

Police Academy update

So I have completed my application and now all that's left is an interview with the Academy Director. Scaaaary. Hopefully that will go well and they'll offer me a spot. Wish me luck!

Stay away from the Reid kids

No new haircut, I wimped out

I am using a new hair product though and no hairspray. That's a good change though right?

New haircut?

Since I'm feeling the need to change lots of things in my life, I'm gonna considering a new haircut also. I've had my current "style" since I was 15 or 16, and I think it's kind of out of style now. I'm gonna look at some other hair dos, so if you have any suggestions, let me know...

Possibly a Mohawk? Mullet? Put them together for a Mull-hawk?

Want a million dollars?

If you can find an efficient algorithm for an NP-complete problem, the Clay Math Institute in Cambridge will give you a million dollars. Alright, get to work...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/P_versus_NP

Isn't it great being married to someone who's recklessly impulsive?

So my wife has been asking me to shave my mustache for a while now. Now a little history is needed to understand how big this is. I haven't shaved my mustache, EVER. The closest I've been is trimming it really short and that was by accident while experimenting with a new electric razor. I also nearly lost an eyebrow that morning. Any who, I brought up the idea to a friend at my work and she was convinced that I should do it. She said that my only options were to shave it off or grow it long so that I can look evil and dastardly when I twirl the ends of it. Her brother is a musician, and I told her that if he would write a song about my stache, I would shave it. Well, being that I am at times ridiculously impulsive, I shaved it off anyway. This was the same night I got a new set of reading glasses. Since I was advised to wear them when I read, work on the computer and even drive at night. I find myself wearing them a lot. In the spirit of change, I'm trying to decide if there is anything else I should change about my look. Any ideas?

I can't seem to upload the song here, so if you want to hear "Mustache Time" by Brad Zygai, give me your email address and I'll send it to you.

More fake motivational posters...

So bloody bored

I'm so bored, I can't even think straight. My humor tank has been emptied trying to salvage this stupid excuse for a "day". I need a drink. It's not even 5 o'clock. Look something shiny! Later...