Perfect! Now put the rest of those on the front...

I can't seem to find my motivation anywhere, so please let me know if you find it. It's probably hiding with my sanity. Now if only these 15 pounds would go missing...

Another average day with needy people who aren't interesting, but always seem to do interesting things. Like come up with new and interesting ways to break things. Light a fire in a toaster oven, put a fork in the microwave, screwdriver in the sink, hand soap in the dishwasher, staples in the gears of the copy machine; it's unreal to say the least. Which brings me to the some of the best advice I've ever gotten:

"Don't underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups."
"The only way to make something fool-proof is keep it away from fools."
And the one that seems to be most appropriate for me:
"I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters. "
I guess the only things I would add to that list would be erasers, post it notes and Kleenex...

Does it hurt to be that dumb?

That's the question I ask myself every single time I hear someone say something stupid. I know that I'm not the smartest man ever, but seriously, does anyone think anymore before they open their pie-holes?

Example: Last night I was watching the news and this horribly sad story comes on about an idiot 15 year old who's driving way too fast in a residential neighborhood and hits 2 little girls. 1 died at the scene and the other is still in the hospital. That kinda stuff really gets to me now that I have kids, it really hits home thinking that stuff can happen to anyone. Anyway, so they interview a witness and ask him about what he saw. The clip ends with him talking about how the city needs to put up more signs so people know that kids are playing there. I swear, I thought I was gonna leap through the screen and strangle him...


First of all, a good parent doesn't let their children play in the street, especially unsupervised. Look, I played in the street when I was a kid. Yes, people should be more careful. It's not the child's fault that the 15 year old hit her, but a good parent will make sure that there's an adult watching if they can't. Again, it's not the parent's fault that this kid wasn't obeying the law and they suffered a terrible price. That should help people to realize that this isn't the old days, people aren't respectful anymore and that they should be more attentive and more aware of their surroundings. You don't go walking in dark alleys, talk to strangers on the internet, and give personal information to people on the phone, do you? You especially don't let your kids do that, do you? 40 years ago, you could trust that most people respected the law and that only a few people would be so despicable. Times have changed. You don't need to live in constant fear, but you do need to be more careful. Watch your kids for heaven's sake.

Secondly, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT A SIGN WILL STOP SOMEONE FROM BREAKING THE LAW?!?!?! Wait, what am I thinking? Of course signs keep people from breaking the law! That's why people obey the speed limit, don't drink and drive, and they always wear their seat belts. Someone elect that man for president! Ok, enough sarcasm. Honestly though, if that were true we could put signs up that say "Don't kill people" and all violence would stop. Let's go back to reality...
I understand that this guy is upset and is just looking for someone to blame, but the blame doesn't rest on the city putting up a sign that says, "Children Playing". There's already a sign saying that you can't drive more than 25 MPH (if not 15), why would he respect one more than the other? This is another fool who thinks that it's the government's fault. Yes, government is typically the problem, and hardly ever the solution, I wholeheartedly agree; but this falls back on personal responsibility. People just don't respect one another anymore. Let me know I'm not alone here...


Ok, I feel better now that I've vented.


"Attitudes are contagious; mine might kill you..."

Sleepy...

I've given up on sleep. Who needs it? Not me, I'm invincible... I'm... super... human.... I'm.... zzzzzz...

I use to get by on like 4 hours of sleep a night when I was 15, 16 years old, but I can't do that anymore. I can even do that every now and again, but nothing like I usetacould. You know, use-ta-could? "Can you dance?" "I usetacould, and if you play somethun good, I mightagain..."


In losing so much sleep, I've been doing a lot of thinking. I don't know what about, but I'm definitely thinking about something. I guess most of it is about life, what "it" all means, whether Jell-o is a liquid or a solid, normal stuff. The more I think about it, the more I think that maybe I'm doing it all wrong. Maybe I got married too quick, had kids too quick, didn't stay in school... ok, enough mistakes, I'm getting depressed, but I know I'm not the only one with those feelings. It just feels that way. Growing up the way I did caused me to become very jaded and VERY guarded. I don't trust people and I often end up feeling alone. My wife is great at listening to me, but sometimes I want someone else to gripe to. Selfish, I know...

I used to be a very open and honest person but growing up in a leadership role in so many aspects of my life, I would have those things used against me and I eventually grew cold and distant. I understand it's good to not share anything and everything about yourself to every person who looks at you (I know several people like that and they drive me insane), but sometimes I just want a friend who I can just blab to, without thinking about whether or not this person could hurt me with that info, or shove it in my face. I hear there are people out there like that, but I'm not so sure...


Maybe some day I'll be comfortable enough to share my true feelings with someone and not worry so much about what they might say to other people. I hope when I become a cop, my partner and I have that type of relationship. Only time will tell... that is, when time learns to talk.

Remember
"If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers..."

No more brain pain...

Well, I finally get back on a normal shift here at work starting Monday. (Funny side note: My last manager sent out an email, a while back, with the words "early shift" in it, but he forgot the "f". Now I think about it everytime I write "shift".) Anyway, I've been working 10 hour days for the last month and I've had it up to here with that. Considering you can't see where "here" is, just know that I'm done with those shifts, or shits. Take your pick.

I can finally go home early, you know, like before the sun goes down? So I've been back at this job I worked at, for a little over a year the first time, for about 6 months now. I thought I had seniority, but they don't count the time I was here, which sucks, because I knew the job better than the guy who took my place. So I got stuck with the crappy shit. Pun intended.

Now that everyone here has left or gotten canned, I have seniority again! YEEHAW!! I almost didn't gt my choice of shifts cause the TEMPS (you know, people desperate to work?) we hired didn't want to work the late shift. "Maybe we should just find someone who can?" Worked like a charm...

Anyway, so now me and my humor will be at 100%. I look forward to making you pee your pants laughing. You know who you are...

Do I have to?

Is there a way to make money without working and without selling my beautiful body? Didn't think so...

I thought yesterday was the hardest I've ever had to work to motivate myself to go to work. Then today happened... My daughter is so cute, but when she doesn't sleep at night, she's not quite as cute. Nothing is cute when you've slept for 2 hours, wake up to a crying baby at 3 am (Kinda like the Matchbox 20 song, but not nearly as touching, and sweet...), stub your toe to pick her up, step on the dog, burp her (baby, not the dog), get thrown up on (by both baby and the dog), and finally lay her down, only to have her cry again... every hour, on the hour, til you "wake up" to go to work and deal with people who whine even more than your one month old does.

Here's the best part though:

You go to work, and after your third Mountain Dew by 10 am and enough caffeine to wake a corpse, people look at the black circles under your bloodshot eyes and go, "Gee, are you tired?"

No, this is the latest fashion craze. The new trend is to look like a junkie without all the liver damage, it's all the rage in Japan...

Ask me a stupid question, get a smart ass answer...

That took a lot of energy, I'll write again when my brain doesn't hurt so bad... oh my hell, the pain...

Another day, another 29 cents...

I have to say that I know it seems like I'm this angry, bitter person who does nothing but post his gripes, but I hope you that I'm not. I have lots of things I enjoy, especially humor. I try to keep a positive view on things, but I love sarcastic, cutting humor. So just know that I am a happy person with a dark and somewhat twisted sense of humor...

Speaking of things I enjoy, I love music. I love nothing more than driving down the road, blaring my favorite bands, and just rocking out, even when people give you those weird looks. As I've said before, I am a musician and I always laugh at people when I can hear their music in their car and watch them "play" along with it, not keeping time even close to correct or singing so off key you plug your dog's ears. Then I think, wait a minute... I do that to, but I know what I'm doing. Do other people think I'm as stupid as I think that guy is?

Hmmm... these are things that keep me awake at night. Along with how I'm gonna fulfill my lifelong dream of creating a monkey band. Little monkey drummer, little monkey guitarist, little monkey keyboard player... COME ON! Is that brilliant or what?!?!

See my lifelong dream for the better part of my life was to be a professional musician, or even a superstar in the country world; but I guess I've realized that's just not what I want to do forever. I used to do music for my old churches, for about 6 years or so, and I loved it. I loved being part of band, practicing, jamming, and of course I loved the popularity that came with it. I'm not gonna lie and say that I didn't like it, but it certainly wasn't all fun and games. It came with a lot of responsibilities and pressures which made it not so fun. It made it work.

I had always wanted to be a recording artist and tour professionally. I even had a producer who wanted to record with me. We did all the work, planned for everything from the CD's name and theme, to artwork and song choices. Then he moved (for good reasons I will say), but I've never felt so lost in my whole life. I felt as though I was finally gonna do what I enjoyed and it got ripped out from under me. Then I began to think, why did I want it? I thought I had all the right answers, the pious one (I want to make music that makes people feel good) the good one (It's what I love) and then I came to the real one, or as I call it, the self-centered one (I want to be famous. I want people to know my name. I want to be called "The best thing ever", I want, I want, I want...).

When I realized that I loved doing it for all the wrong reasons, I gave it up. Six months later, I left my church and my duties as music director and I even left a $2500 guitar they bought me and the $500 worth of accessories that went with it. So, was it the right choice?

I've never been happier. I have more time with my family, more time at home, and more time to pursue my personal goals, both personally and professionally. Now I'm gonna chase me real dream of serving people as a police officer. I've served people all my life and I love helping people. So, is it worth it to chase your dreams?

Damn right it is...


Until next time...

Anti-Job Description

Apparently some people don't understand what I do for a living. So I guess a list is needed of things I am not and things I do not do.

I am NOT a doormat: Don't think that because I make less than half your salary, didn't graduate from a nice college, am dumber, and uglier than you means that you can treat me like dirt. Don't walk on me to get what you want.
I have feelings too. I feel hot, I feel cold.
I also have a sensitive side, it's the one with the rash.
I'm not emotional or needy, but I don't like going home feeling like everyone's wiped their crappy day on me.

I am NOT a scapegoat: Don't blame me for things that you didn't do. If you want my help, just ask. I'm not above doing menial tasks. My job description includes "duties as assinged", however it does not include, "holder of blame" or "everyone's whipping child". Trust me, I've looked to be sure. Twice...

I will NOT do things that are YOUR job: You get paid a hell of a lot more than me to do half the work I do. Do your damn job and quit dumping things on me cause you want to re-organize your pens, check your email every 2 minutes, and "research" on the internet when I know you're on the 5th level of "World Video Poker". You went to school, you got the job, you get the money. You want to treat me like ca-ca because of those things, but then turn around and not do the work? You can't have it both ways. In fact, you can't have it either way. Do things my way, and we'll both be happier.

I will NOT cater to your every wish, whim and desire: You want a new mouse, new chair, new keyboard, new computer, bigger monitor, foot rest, coasters, the pens you had at your old work, and an air freshner that smells like the island you vacationed on. I want to be a foot taller, own an island and I especially don't want to work with you. Looks like neither of us is gonna getting what we want. I'll put up with you, and you can feel free to dig through that closet and have whatever you find, even if it's not broken! See how nice I am? Remember it...

I am NOT a "sounding board" for you to "vent" to: That's bull. You want someone to yell at, and I happen to be the one who catches your hell-fury. F* that noise. I could take you in a fight any day, I don't care who you are. Let's just use this as a rule: if I was an angry drunken bastard, 7 feet tall, 375 pounds of pure muscle, and you ran into me at a bar, would you talk to me that same way? Didn't think so. Remember that too, cause I'm a hell of a lot meaner. I just choose not to use my wit to cut you to shreds, cause you are obviously unarmed in such a match...

Which brings me to the biggest one...

I am NOT your friend: We work together, but that doesn't mean we're like family or even friends. It means that we're stuck in the same damn prison together for 8 hours a day. Same rules apply: Trust no one, watch your back, and don't drop the soap. Maybe the last one only applies to me, cause I'm always the one who ends up getting.... you know...
You're a nice person. I might even want to sign your card when your lazy ass gets fired, but I'm not your friend. If you want a friend, find someone else you can stab in the back and spread gossip about when you get mad at them for stealing your favorite pen. I left junior high a few years ago, let me know when you do and maybe we can hang out together. Maybe...

My awesome son

This was the first time he tried spaghetti. He's been hooked ever since, and our tub has been plugged ever since...

My precious daughter

This is Kailey Jo Clark, and if you can't tell, she's tied for the cutest thing ever with my son and baby seals...

Nothing new to report

Considering the title, I'm amazed that you've read this much. Not a whole lot is going on in my life, I mean, everything at least seems normal. You ever feel like normal isn't normal, but you've gone on so long that abnormal is normal? Whoa. Ok that hurt... no more philosophy for today.

So I'm still getting used to this blogging thing, and I'm gonna try to put some pictures up here. If they're upside down or crappy looking, just know that I'm too stupid to operate a machine without an IQ...

More about me...

I know that it seems like I write about myself a lot, but I'm the most interesting person I know, so get used to it... jk

Actually I thought it would be appropriate to do a quick list of things about me, but in interactive mode. So all of you reading this (if there really is anyone there), when I ask a question, it's not rhetorical...

You know what I hate? (you say "what?") Cold toilet seats. You know what I REALLY hate? A warm one...

You know what I hate? Liars. You know what I REALLY hate? Liars who say that they're not liars, or liars that say that they're "really a good person", and especially BAD LIARS...

You know what I love? Hot dogs. Not like boiled hot dogs, and not even brand name hot dogs. I like a hot dog made with wild game meat like Reindeer or Buffalo. Actually pretty much any wild meat, stuffed into a tube or served like a steak is ok by me, and the redder the better...

You know what I hate? (stay with me now..."what?") Complicating simple things. You know what I REALLY hate? The PEOPLE who make easy things difficult. Seriously, life is difficult enough. Do we really need to change 5 minutes projects into hours of labor to accommodate idiotic requests or policies? I like things that are simple and make sense. If you like complications and difficult things, I recommend another blog. Read below to see why...

You know what I love? Gregory House. That's more of a "who", but hear me out. (Side note: I hate people who say it's stupid to like a tv character and his beliefs) He's brilliant. He understands (like psychologists) that life boils done to the very base of our emotions, the lowest common denominator. People do things for simple reasons. We're not as smart and devious as we think, we do things for one of three reasons: sex, money and self-preservation. That's pretty much it. We do things cause we WANT to. People always say, "Not if you have a gun to your head." Bull honkey. If I held a gun to your head and told you to kill someone you love, you can still say no. You may not WANT to say no, but you still can. It's still your decision, that's free will.

Which brings me to my next point...

You know what I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY hate? People who won't admit mistakes or take responsibility. No one's perfect, so just admit it; cause if you don't, you're gonna have to admit that you're as stupid as we already think you are. You're not the first person to do something stupid, so get over it and learn from it.

You what I love? Having fun. Whatever that is, I love having fun and watching people have fun, especially my family. Nothing is better than playing "stink face" with my 1 year old. Nothing is better than watching him try to run down a hill, when he's just learning to walk, laughing so hard he can't breathe. Nothing is better than seeing my little girl smile when she looks at me. Nothing is better than seeing my wife truly enjoying herself. So get out there, do what you love, and have fun.

Alright, I'm gonna get off my soap box and go back to work. Which is only fun when I make it that way. Just a little tip in case you're struggling with that. Make anything fun or funny and you'll notice a big difference in your outlook on life. Ok, now I'm really gonna step off my soap box... until next time. Same bat time, same bat channel...

Wow, this is kinda cool!

I have to say that this blogging thing is addicting! Here I am, not even 5 hours later, and I want so bad to post something else, but what do I write? Sensing a theme? Constantly looking for something to write about, but struggling to find something? That's not because I actually don't have things. Oh no... I just have so many things going through my brain that I can't seem to pin one down long enough to... what was I saying? I feel like Donald Duck in MathematicLand where all the stuff is flying over his head and he's trying to grab it. Sometimes I wonder if I have that ADD thing, it stands for Attention Deficit, LOOK A PLANE!! Alright, enough of that...

Anywho, I'm sure you're wondering about my past. I kinda left everyone (all, uhh... none of you) hanging that I've lived this full life and I'm only 23. I have lived a very interesting life, that's for sure. I was homeschooled until my freshman year when I joined a small k-12 private school. Small meaning 13 people... in the whole school. That's actually where I got to know my future wife; we've actually known each other since we were 8, but became friends in high school. I asked her to marry me a few months after I graduated. I had planned to go to college to get my doctorate in psychology, but after 2 semesters figured out that I wanted to focus on something else. I had no idea what, but something else nonetheless. I've had a lots of jobs in my young life:

Skating rink equipment rental agent (that's the actual title they gave me)
Sandwich artist for the place that rhymes with "Snubway" (don't want to get in tradmark trouble)
Customer service clerk for the city I grew up in, during which I actually served as a life guard for one shift when no one else showed up. I'm a terrible swimmer by the way. Thankfully everyone lived that day...
Electrician (I'm still a little twitchy...)
Barn Manager (Also the title given to me while I worked on that ranch caring for horses and their barn and other "duties as assigned" including scooping "doodie"...)
Real Estate Agent's assistant (That didn't turn out so good. I got fired after 30 days without a reason other than "I just don't think we're gonna work out". That's the first and only time I've been fired.)
Teller at a bank
Office go-fer for a large law firm (go-fer this, go-fer that...)
and Mortgage Broker. As I mentioned in my first post, I'm hoping to attend the police academy soon. It's been a dream my whole life, but I just never took it seriously I guess. Now it's all I think about, all I read about and all I want to do. We'll see how that all turns out...

Yeah, pretty crazy. I've enjoyed all of my jobs even though sometimes the people you work with drive you crazy.

On top of all that, I'm a pastor's kid who grew up in a church of 2500. I also did music for their youth group and the main congregation for several years. Those things are a whole other post which will probably be a few hundred thousand words. Kidding.

I've had my share of heartache and fun, but to be honest, most times it feels like a lot more heartache. I'm really looking forward to making new memories for the rest of my life and I'm trying to forget all the hurt in my past, but it is taking a while. I may talk about some of things eventually, but we just met! I mean, have some patience...

I know that there are people who've been in my shoes and had more than their share of pain, but sometimes I want to be selfish and think, "Why me?" or "Does anyone understand?" or "Why do I feel alone?". It's weird to feel alone when you have so many people around you. It also makes it hard to be close with people. More about that later...

That's probably enough self loathing and self grandizing. Until next time, remember,
"Common sense, just ain't..."-Mark Twain

What do I say?

Wow, my first post ever! You should feel special that you're reading this. Okay, so... what should I write about? I guess a little about myself would be a great start, right? Well, I'm a happy husband, a father of two beautiful children (Yes, I'm biased. What's it to you?), a musician with shattered dreams of stardom, and hopefully sometime soon, a cop. Yes, I've done a lot in my 23 years here.

As the title says, I am country at heart. My dream is to own a ranch/farm like the one I used to work on. I understand that sounds weird to some, but I actually didn't mind shoveling horse crap, bucking hay bales, and moving fences. I LOVED it, and hope to teach my children the same appreciation and work ethic that comes with farm life. Well, back to my boring life for now. Stay tuned for further reflections of this cryptic soul... sounds mysterious, right? So you'll be back? Please?!