Sleepy...

I've given up on sleep. Who needs it? Not me, I'm invincible... I'm... super... human.... I'm.... zzzzzz...

I use to get by on like 4 hours of sleep a night when I was 15, 16 years old, but I can't do that anymore. I can even do that every now and again, but nothing like I usetacould. You know, use-ta-could? "Can you dance?" "I usetacould, and if you play somethun good, I mightagain..."


In losing so much sleep, I've been doing a lot of thinking. I don't know what about, but I'm definitely thinking about something. I guess most of it is about life, what "it" all means, whether Jell-o is a liquid or a solid, normal stuff. The more I think about it, the more I think that maybe I'm doing it all wrong. Maybe I got married too quick, had kids too quick, didn't stay in school... ok, enough mistakes, I'm getting depressed, but I know I'm not the only one with those feelings. It just feels that way. Growing up the way I did caused me to become very jaded and VERY guarded. I don't trust people and I often end up feeling alone. My wife is great at listening to me, but sometimes I want someone else to gripe to. Selfish, I know...

I used to be a very open and honest person but growing up in a leadership role in so many aspects of my life, I would have those things used against me and I eventually grew cold and distant. I understand it's good to not share anything and everything about yourself to every person who looks at you (I know several people like that and they drive me insane), but sometimes I just want a friend who I can just blab to, without thinking about whether or not this person could hurt me with that info, or shove it in my face. I hear there are people out there like that, but I'm not so sure...


Maybe some day I'll be comfortable enough to share my true feelings with someone and not worry so much about what they might say to other people. I hope when I become a cop, my partner and I have that type of relationship. Only time will tell... that is, when time learns to talk.

Remember
"If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers..."