The end of an era...

Yes, this former germ-a-phobe has come to the realization that life does continue even after you're subjected to germs...

T.V.'s Monk had nothing on me. I wasn't an O.C.D. case, but I was as close as you could get. However, after all the stuff you go through after 2 kids, there's not really any room to fear cooties and whatnot.

These things just happen. Fate has a twisted sense of humor...

No matter how careful you are, you're going to stick your hand in a dirty diaper. Unless you change diapers with latex gloves, expect to scrub under your fingernails for 30 minutes and still feel filthy.

If you have a boy, they will pee on you when you change their diaper. Hate to tell you, but no human being on this planet is quick enough to change a #2 diaper on a boy and not get peed on at least one time. If there is such a person, please make yourself known. (Cricket noises) Yeah, that's what I thought...

As Jeff Foxworthy said, "Babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt." Don't hold a baby if you want your clothes to stay clean. Just don't do it. It's Newton's 4th law. If there were 11 commandments, this would be #2, and I would bump another one of the less important ones down...

One of the things I've learned is that the baby vomit smell is harder to get out of clothes than skunk stank. You can't bleach something enough to get that smell out. Last night, after my softball game, I was holding my son (who's sick right now) and he was acting like he was feeling better. Happy, but not energetic, not bouncing or anything, just content.
Then like the stealth vomiter he is, he blew like freaking Mount Vesuvius what looked like a half gallon of old milk, mixed with rotten yogurt. It went everywhere, and I'm not exaggerating. My brother was sitting in front of me and it practically covered his back and one of his legs. My shorts were dripping and there was a puddle in my shoes as well as my brother's shoe. My brother almost had an aneurysm. I thought he was gonna break down in tears he was so grossed out. My poor son is crying because he thinks he's in trouble and somehow I stayed calm until we got home and I changed; after sitting and walking around in it for 45 minutes.

Parenting changes so many things about you. Most people would say that it changes your outlook on life or the way you think about things. For me, it opened up my eyes to the fact that babies take all your boundaries and shatter them like a mirror hit with a 2 ton bomb... I think that's what I needed though.